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Mahalo Inc. chief executive blabbermouth Jason Calacanis has published a list of "really good tips" for how startups can save money. Among the really good ones is to fire anyone who isn't a workaholic. "Come on folks, this is startup life, it's not a game," he writes. "Go work at the post office or stabucks (sic) if you want balance in your life. For realz."Because postal workers are notoriously balanced. But let's set aside the almost comical level of condescension toward people stuck in, like, non-startup life, which of course is a game (not unlike Jarts, as it turns out). I also recognize that Calacanis, from his earliest days hawking dot-com sundaes in his magazine about New York's Silicon Alley, has long indulged in such shtick, the kind of faux bravado dressed up as straight talk that's meant to convey a maverick, devil-may-care indifference to convention. In fact, let's give Calacanis the benefit of the doubt and assume that such gems are meant to be taken seriously, rather than as a rather frantic effort to get attention.
In that spirit, I give you Tech Confidential's own "really good tips" for how startups can save money:
• Work in the dark--you'll save on electricity, and employees gradually lose the ability to tell day from night, which means they can work longer hours
• Set up a corporate trough for employee lunches--providing mass quantities of rolled oats or other nutritious whole grains ensures that workers remain in the office (and energized!), maximizing productivity, while joint feeding is great for bonding
• When interviewing potential new-hires, ask if they insist on being paid--if so, don't hire them; alternatively, hire them, but when pay-day arrives tell them "the check is in the mail" (tee hee!)
• When your chief software engineer, having worked through the night to fix a bug, says he's going home for an hour for a little family time, bitch-slap that lazy punk
• Now cradle him gently and tell him he'll always be your favorite busy bee and that you just get a little jealous sometimes
• Outsource HR, payroll and the office bathrooms
• Hire a guy to beat two massive drums to keep time as workers type
• If workers still aren't working fast enough, jump up on a desk, wave your arms about and shout, "Type, slaves, tyyyyyyyppeeee!"
• Look deep into your own soul--ensure nothing is there
• Work alone--for realz
- Alain Sherter
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"Hire a guy to beat two massive drums to keep time as workers type"
great idea!
It's funny to see Jason backpedal on his blog here.
http://www.calacanis.com/2008/03/07/can-you-have-a-life-and-work-at-a-startup-company/
You just misunderstood him, he cares, for realz yo.
Too close to the truth to be funny! :-)
I think that line is being taken way out of context... it was obviously done with a smile. I'm surprised it's not clear from the use of the word "realz" and "post office" that I'm being a little over the top!? You might be the only person who gets it.
I'm one of the most absurdly talent-driven CEO in the business. Most of my time is spent finding talented people, helping them grow, and giving them opportunities to learn. If you look at the folks who worked with me at Silicon Alley Reporter (Xeni, Rafat, Brian Alvey, Clay Shirky, etc) and Weblogs, Inc (peter rojas,Brian alvey, judith meskill, etc) they've all gone on to much bigger and better things. I take big risks hiring folks with raw talent and passion--and who want to work really hard. It's paid off big time. I think their future projects speaks volumes for what I'm about as a "boss."
If the people who work with you grow and take on bigger projects you're doing something right.
Now back to work!!!! Can I get you a latte? ;-)
Jason--You're a good sport, and that line of yours was taken out of context, including by me (if largely for comedic purposes). I also happen to think that some of your tips have merit.
If nothing else, this little (non)brouhaha highlights yet again how the blogosphere amplifies what we write--sometimes adding clarity and insight, sometimes subtracting it.
Oops, there's the boss (my wife). Back to vacuuming.
Alain
Awesome... it's good to see companies keeping it real and tightening their belts.
Raza Imam
http://SoftwareSweatshop.com
So I was eating dinner while reading this, and these two lines literally got me to lose my milk all over my laptop:
• When your chief software engineer, having worked through the night to fix a bug, says he's going home for an hour for a little family time, bitch-slap that lazy punk
• Now cradle him gently and tell him he'll always be your favorite busy bee and that you just get a little jealous sometimes
You mad my day!
Thanks for reading, AK. My boss owes you a new laptop.
Cheers,
Alain
Huh.... Well, maybe everyone got enlightened around me in the last couple of years (or isn't bootstrapping and blowing millions of VC dollars) but this this list of 17 things doesn't sound at all weird to me. Most BOOTSTRAPPING companies I know already do all these things.